本周字花

(1)
A: How much do I need to pay? Quick, do the math!
B: What? Why?
A: You're good at math. Oh wait, no, you're only good at statistics.
B: Yea, and they are conceptually very different.

(2)
A: I had a nice but expensive dinner tonight!
B: Wohoo! Who treated you?
A: ... I treated myself. Who else could it be?

(3)
A: Please give me a sandwich.
B: Please give me a fried noodles with beef and assorted vegetables.
A: You're such a pig.

(4)
A: What're you thinking?
B: You wouldn't want to know.
A: Fine.
B: I always wonder why Asians slurp their food so loud.

(5)
A: How dare you use my roll-on deodorant?!
B: What? It's hygienic. There's alcohol in it.
A: No, it's like my armpit rubbing against your armpit.
B: No, it's just my skin touching your skin, like when I poke your arm with my finger. The next thing I'm going to do is to use your toothbrush.
A: There's actually more E. coli in a used toothbrush than your shit.
B: Ok, I will never do that.