Fear

All my life I have been living in fear.

I am afraid that one day I have to pay for all the lies I told.
I fear that I will lose my directions and energy.
I don't want to come to a situation that I have to plan for my financial budget every day.
I tremble when I sense that my father is going to lose his temper.
I have nightmares that my friends stop talking to me.
I panic when I don't feel anyone around.

So now I understand that why some parents turn so protective. They don't want the children to face these fears too early. They have the rights to have some moments to perceive that this world is wonderful. I wish I had protective parents too, but of course I didn't. They coerced me to grow in a drastic way. I missed so many things that ordinary adolescents would go through. Then?

Perhaps such a fear is innate. Perhaps it cannot be overcome even with the strongest behavioural psychotherapy. However, I still hold in faith that some day, I can rejuvenate and lead a life without fear. How naive I am!