Fights make me sick

So there we are. I had a fight with Derek. I showed my disapproval to his networking projects, and he hated my poor attitudes talking to him. Well, I never know how to handle arguments or fights. And I don't enjoying arguing because even you are saying something constructive, others will take it as an attack, find ways to defend, and attack again in return. So here's how it goes. I said I didn't hate him, I just felt disappointed. And he took it as I was rude and talking to him like a boss to a staff. Well in retrospect, maybe the choice of word is completely disastrous, but the kind of argument is detrimental yet endless. Like later, someone will suddenly pick a sentence out and complain about the attitudes. I'm sick of this.

Anyway, I think sometimes it's a burden to get too enmeshed with somebody. When there's some problem (emotionally or whatsoever), he/she will come to you and abreact and scream and lose control. I think some of my friends learnt a lesson earlier, and tried to keep the appropriate distances. Perhaps it sounds pessimistic, but I do prefer less fights than close friendships.

However in short, I am really quarrel-phobic. Especially when some relationships appear to be so fragile, I can't risk any further opportunity to ruin it. So as conditioned since I was young, I usually suck things up and keep them to myself. Yet my close friends will know, my capacity is limited and once it exceeds, I can't think rationally and turn into a monster.

The last words I see from the chatbox were "look at your attitudes, blablabla." I really couldn't take it anymore. I'm not an emotion vent. So I had to log out, and allocate some time to calm myself down.